Datingcoach1’s Blog

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Can Friendship Turn to Love?

You probably have been with a woman or a man who you would describe as “your best friend” but you were not romantically involved.  It could be that you harbored secret feelings of love and affection for him/her, but were afraid to tell them for fear that you would lose their friendship.  

Don’t you want a life partner who is your best friend?  So why would you even hesitate to turn this deep friendship into a love relationship if you could?  

There is good reason not to do this.  This is coming from a woman who had a deep friendship with her husband before dating him. ME! So listen up.  I’m going to share my pearl of wisdom on the subject.

Keith and I were good friends before we started dating.  But make no mistake.  We were both very attracted to each other throughout our friendship.  We were just not in a place that would allow us to move forward in a relationship and give it the attention it needed and deserved.  I was finishing my degree and Keith was traveling for work.  When the timing was right, we turned up the heat and the rest is history.

It is necessary for a man to have sexual attraction towards a woman for a friendship to successfully bridge into a relationship.  If this does not exist, both the man and woman will experience dissatisfaction in the relationship.  The woman will always wonder if he might find someone else who he can share a close relationship and sexual attraction.

Sometimes, but rarely, a woman will fall for a man after getting to know him better and finding out all his wonderful qualities.  She might not be sexually attracted initially, but this grows over time.  However, for a man, the sexual attraction is almost instantaneous.  Rarely does this grow for a man over time. 

We’ve all heard of the “friends with benefits” relationship.  You might have experience this first hand.  However, the “friends with benefits” relationship rarely cumulates into anything meaningful. Women often hope that the man will wake up and realize what a great catch she is…and fall in love…and marry her.  Here is the real scoop. A man doesn’t need to be sexually attracted to a woman to have sex with her.  Having sex with a woman does not bridge a man into feelings of affection towards a woman.   If you think he is going to wake up and smell the coffee because you are having satisfying or even mind blowing sex, think again.  Chances are slim to none that this will happen.

A lifetime of sexual attraction is necessary to sustain a relationship through the tough times.  Sexual attraction comes in two forms; one is obsessive attraction and the other is romantic attraction.  They are very different and incomparable in the way they impact you.

Obsessive attraction is just like it sounds.  You are preoccupied with the person.  You think about them all the time. You can’t wait to see them again.  You attempt to stay connected in between your times together using text, email, and phone calls.  You think of cute, romantic gestures to make sure they know you are thinking about them.  You don’t want them not to be thinking about you!  This type of attraction takes off like a rocket and then quickly runs out of fuel. You feel uncertain, tense and insecure about yourself and how they really feel about you. This is one of the toxic relationship patterns we discuss in the Soul Mate Quest Seminar.  If you are attracted to this relationship pattern, you know you need to break it if you want to find love.  We will show you how. 

Romantic attraction is sexual attraction starts like a pot of very warm water on the stove on a low temperature and the heat is slowly turned up.  As you spend more and more time together the temperature begins to increase and cumulates into a low consistent boil.  There is definitely sexual tension in romantic attraction. Even if they haven’t expressed their feeling for you, you can sense the attraction.  If you are willing to take it slow, this type of attraction often leads to a long term commitment and is most satisfying to both men and women.

If you have the desire to find love; love that is satisfying and fulfilling, we hope you join us for the Soul Mate Quest Seminar January 9-10, 2010 in Pleasanton, CA (near San Francisco)  We will cover the 10 Toxic Relationship Patterns and how to avoid them.  We also cover the 10 Keys to getting into a healthy, passionate relationship.  If you are serious about finding love, you don’t want to miss out on this life changing workshop.  The cost is normally $595, but you get the workshop for $99 by entering the code SQW99.  This is the early registration price. 

Call us at 925-355-8081

 Jeannine and Keith Kaiser


October 26, 2009 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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