The disconnect between what women think men want and what they actually 
desire leaves many women feeling a level of resentment and anger toward men, 
and feel hopeless about ever developing a connection that is wonderful, warm, 
and romantic. What men think women want from them causes them much of the 
same feelings and frustration.

The sad part is that it does not have to be this way, if only we would realize that 
both men and women are human beings first and pretty much want the same 
thing. But, you don’t have to take my word for this.

In our research to help singles find that “soul mate type” relationship, we asked a
number of men and women who are actively involved in personal growth and 
development what they want from a partner in order to build a great relationship. 
Their answers are unexpected. Discover the contrast between what men said 
they want from women and what women think men want. You’ll also find tips for 
women to give men what they want, attract a great man, and create a wonderful 
relationship.

1. Men want honest, timely, loving communication.

Honest communication is top priority for men. They want a woman who answers 
questions honestly, and perhaps even volunteers information. They hate feeling 
like there is something hanging in the air, that is not being said. They want a 
woman who confidently asks for her wants and needs to be met. They want a 
woman who can see the truth and tell it like it is while communicating with clarity
and kindness. Men want a woman who can communicate without being too 
critical, who cares about preserving his and her dignity.

Women think men want them to be superficial, to keep quiet about their needs or 
wants, and never to ask for anything. Most men want to meet your needs in a 
relationship, but they don’t want to have to guess what your needs are! Women 
think men believe them to be too needy and too sensitive, and that men simply 
want women to get over it. Some women believe they do not have the permission 
to tell it like it is, that they will be rejected for speaking up.

A Tip for Women:  Great men want and need straightforward, courageous communication without  anger or criticism. One way to attract a great man and build a satisfying relationship is to learn how to communicate your truth and needs effectively without a lot of drama.  Don’t wait until things have built up inside of you emotionally before you decide to communicate your feelings. 

2. Men want self-sufficient, secure, confident women.

Men want a woman to choose them out of want rather than out of desperation – 
either materially or emotionally. In other words, men need to be wanted and 
needed by their partners, but feel that their partner can function separately from 
the relationship with them. Men want a woman to be active and independent, to 
have her own friends and interests. They don’t want to feel like they are the 
woman’s whole world.  Men want to treasure time spend with a loving partner.

Women think men don’t want women to need them. Women think men do not 
need or appreciate time spent together as a couple. Women believe that showing
a man he is needed will turn him off and possibly make him run away.

A Tip for Women: Men want what women want — a whole partner. The most 
powerful way to attract a great man and create a vibrant relationship is by 
creating a full, rewarding life for your own fulfillment, not depending on your 
partner to create that for you.

3. Men want a manipulation-free relationship.

Men want no manipulation of any kind. Men don’t want to feel like they have to 
read a woman’s mind and figure out that she wants and needs by interpreting 
signals. They do not want to be forced or tricked into moving faster in a 
relationship than they are ready. They do not want to be manipulated into taking 
all the blame for things gone wrong. They do not want to be on the receiving end 
of game playing, and yes they do realize that you are playing games.

Women think men want little or no communication, and the only way to get needs met is through manipulation.  Women have this notion that men need or want to 
be reminded that the relationship needs to move forward.  Many women don’t 
realize that men need and value praise and acknowledgement, and so tend to 
only verbalize criticism.

A Tip for Women: If you want a successful relationship, leave the middle school 
games behind.  Men will not tolerate manipulation of any kind for any significant 
length of time. To attract a great man and build a wonderful relationship ask, 
without hesitation, for what you want and need in every area of your life. Learn to be aware of his timing and his timeline.  When you ask for what you want, you 
have been thinking about it for awhile. Remember that it is usually the first time 
he has heard what you want and need.  Let him digest it for awhile.  Remember that acknowledge and praise go a lot further than manipulation, drama and criticism.

4. Men want growth, personal responsibility, and ownership in a woman.

Men want a woman who is emotionally stable. Men want a woman who is 
developing herself personally, and who takes responsibility for her emotional 
experience. A woman who can laugh at herself and who has internal courage and 
strength. They want a woman who can see her part in relationship dynamics 
(creating the good and the not so good) and own it.  Women think men only want 
to have a good time. Women think men have no interest in developing and 
growing a relationship or developing and growing themselves. Women think men 
want women who are super models, and that they never consider whether a 
woman is emotionally mature, kind, supportive, or loving.
A Tip for Women: Men want women who are emotionally mature.  Maturity mean 
the ability to handle emotions responsibility, not hiding emotions.  To attract a 
great man and build a long-term relationship, learn to take responsibility for your 
emotional experience and expression.  No one can make you feel anything.  
Nothing can change unless you express what emotions are coming up for you, 
own them and then make reasonable requests of your partner to help you deal 
with those emotions.

5. Men want fidelity and commitment in a relationship.

Fidelity is an absolute must. In fact, men want a woman who does not have a 
“roaming eye” and who can wholeheartedly commit to the relationship. Many men 
define commitment as fidelity and the willingness to work on the relationship – 
even when the going gets tough.

Women think that all men want is sex, and that men will leave a relationship for 
the next prettier face. Women think men cannot be trusted to be faithful. Women 
believe men do not want to work on a relationship and that men have one foot 
out the door when the going gets tough.

A Tip for Women: Believing that all men cheat is a myth.  Most men feel that 
infidelity and “a roaming eye” are inappropriate and highly distasteful behaviors 
for both men and women. Great men know how to build a wonderful relationship, 
and they know fidelity is the key ingredient.

6. Men want women who know how to treat men.

Many women treat men in ways that diminish their egos, making them feel 
inadequate with the intent of changing them or having them see the error of their 
ways.  Men want to please their partners, but too many women use the stick 
instead of the carrot to get their needs met.   Men desire more praise, more 
acknowledgement of what they do right, more acknowledgment that they are 
great guys who are loved and appreciated.  This motivates men to do more to 
please their partner. 

Women think men do not need them, do not value their opinion, their support, 
or their praise. Women also think men do not understand or care about many 
things that are important to women.  This belief leads women to criticize because
they resent feeling that the men don’t care.

A Tip for Women:  Most men want acknowledgement and appreciation from 
women.  Learning to acknowledge instead of making your partner wrong is one of
the most powerful relationship development tools available to you.  Help your 
partner understand your needs and what is important to you.  Acknowledge when
you see their efforts. 

Having a soul mate type relationship comes when you understand the needs of 
your partner.  My very good friend, Barbara Magoon once shared with me some 
very good words of wisdom I have never forgotten.  If you want to be heard, 
speak and then listen.  If you want to be loved, love.  If you want to be 
acknowledged, acknowledge. 

If you want to learn more about creating a soul mate relationship, join us for the 
Soul Mate Quest weekend on January 9-10, 2010 in San Francisco.  To register for just $99,  go to http://yourdatingiq.com/soulMate_weekend.html and enter the discount code SQW99.

We hope that you will take the first step in learning how to create the relationship of your dream. 

Jeannine and Keith Kaiser
Dating Coaches and
Facilitators of Soul Mate Quest

1)      Because the opportunity arouse.  If a woman offers sex, he might take the opportunity because it is an ego boost.  Men don’t get offered sex as often as women.  If he is offered a “no strings attached” romp between the sheets, many men will take it.

2)      They aren’t feeling attractive.  Men sometimes cheat because they want to assure themselves that they are still attractive to other women.

3)      You have grown apart and he begins an emotional affair with a woman with whom he has a lot in common.  She seems to understand him.  This is a slippery slope and often cumulates into a sexual affair.

4)      Your relationship has slipped into a cycle of endless arguing and criticism.  He doesn’t have the desire to have sex with you, but he still has the desire to have sex. 

5)      Your relationship has become too comfortable, like a roommate arrangement. Having sex with you is like having sex with his sister.  He will want to seek out some excitement and often it is through an affair.

6)      Your sex life is boring.  You can predict what you will do and for how long.  Routine sex lives breed extreme boredom.  If there is no excitement, he may have an affair just to break the boredom. 

7)      A man may have an affair as revenge for his wife/girlfriends infidelity.  He can’t get beyond his hurt feelings, so he wants you to feel as badly as he does.

8)      He doesn’t think he will get caught.  He is so smart that he can pull the wool over your eyes.  The thrill is in the deceit.

9)      If they had a previous affair and you let them get away with it, he might just cheat again.  Cheating is horrible, but it can also be a wake up call for your relationship and an opportunity to build true emotional intimacy while you work through it.  If you brush the affair under the carpet, you’ve missed an opportunity to improve your relationship.  Cheating will probably occur again.

10)  Sex becomes a race.  She wants it over quickly because she is tired, preoccupied or just not in the mood.  She wants him to cross the finish line quickly.  Cheating allows him to explore a partner who will take the time to have sex and enjoy the process.

Don’t you want a life partner who is your best friend?  So why would you even hesitate to turn this deep friendship into a love relationship if you could?  

There is good reason not to do this.  This is coming from a woman who had a deep friendship with her husband before dating him. ME! So listen up.  I’m going to share my pearl of wisdom on the subject.

Keith and I were good friends before we started dating.  But make no mistake.  We were both very attracted to each other throughout our friendship.  We were just not in a place that would allow us to move forward in a relationship and give it the attention it needed and deserved.  I was finishing my degree and Keith was traveling for work.  When the timing was right, we turned up the heat and the rest is history.

It is necessary for a man to have sexual attraction towards a woman for a friendship to successfully bridge into a relationship.  If this does not exist, both the man and woman will experience dissatisfaction in the relationship.  The woman will always wonder if he might find someone else who he can share a close relationship and sexual attraction.

Sometimes, but rarely, a woman will fall for a man after getting to know him better and finding out all his wonderful qualities.  She might not be sexually attracted initially, but this grows over time.  However, for a man, the sexual attraction is almost instantaneous.  Rarely does this grow for a man over time. 

We’ve all heard of the “friends with benefits” relationship.  You might have experience this first hand.  However, the “friends with benefits” relationship rarely cumulates into anything meaningful. Women often hope that the man will wake up and realize what a great catch she is…and fall in love…and marry her.  Here is the real scoop. A man doesn’t need to be sexually attracted to a woman to have sex with her.  Having sex with a woman does not bridge a man into feelings of affection towards a woman.   If you think he is going to wake up and smell the coffee because you are having satisfying or even mind blowing sex, think again.  Chances are slim to none that this will happen.

A lifetime of sexual attraction is necessary to sustain a relationship through the tough times.  Sexual attraction comes in two forms; one is obsessive attraction and the other is romantic attraction.  They are very different and incomparable in the way they impact you.

Obsessive attraction is just like it sounds.  You are preoccupied with the person.  You think about them all the time. You can’t wait to see them again.  You attempt to stay connected in between your times together using text, email, and phone calls.  You think of cute, romantic gestures to make sure they know you are thinking about them.  You don’t want them not to be thinking about you!  This type of attraction takes off like a rocket and then quickly runs out of fuel. You feel uncertain, tense and insecure about yourself and how they really feel about you. This is one of the toxic relationship patterns we discuss in the Soul Mate Quest Seminar.  If you are attracted to this relationship pattern, you know you need to break it if you want to find love.  We will show you how. 

Romantic attraction is sexual attraction starts like a pot of very warm water on the stove on a low temperature and the heat is slowly turned up.  As you spend more and more time together the temperature begins to increase and cumulates into a low consistent boil.  There is definitely sexual tension in romantic attraction. Even if they haven’t expressed their feeling for you, you can sense the attraction.  If you are willing to take it slow, this type of attraction often leads to a long term commitment and is most satisfying to both men and women.

If you have the desire to find love; love that is satisfying and fulfilling, we hope you join us for the Soul Mate Quest Seminar January 9-10, 2010 in Pleasanton, CA (near San Francisco)  We will cover the 10 Toxic Relationship Patterns and how to avoid them.  We also cover the 10 Keys to getting into a healthy, passionate relationship.  If you are serious about finding love, you don’t want to miss out on this life changing workshop.  The cost is normally $595, but you get the workshop for $99 by entering the code SQW99.  This is the early registration price. 

Call us at 925-355-8081

 Jeannine and Keith Kaiser

You might have had a similar experience.  Your heart got broken and now you have to face the dating world and figure out how to navigate the uncharted waters to find love again. 

 What if we told you that your attitude about dating is the key to finding the right person?  You probably already knew that, but what you don’t know is how to change your attitude to being more positive, open and confident. 

 It is more than just being more positive.  Think about a time in your life when you were faced with something that seemed ominous and out of your reach.  You had to dig deep inside yourself to muster up the confidence or energy to push through it.  Once you switched your attitude and focus, things started happening and you were able to achieve what might have seem impossible.

 I am going to guess that the greatest shift allowing you to accomplish this was the shear belief in yourself.  You know what I am talking about.  It was that shift that gave you the energy and empowerment to forge forward.  When you have this energy surge occur, you exude a confidence that people feel. 

 That confidence can be found within you at any time.  You can access it easily once you get out of your own way.  Confidence attracts the opposite sex like a magnet.  Both men and women become sexier when they are confident.  I am not talking arrogant.  I am talking self-assured “I know where I am going in life” or “I like who I am” confidence.  This confidence will help you in all aspects of your life.

 If you are struggling with your inner confidence, we highly recommend attending the Soul Mate Quest Seminar.  People who have attended our seminar and applied the skills are seeing major changes in their life.  We can actually see a shift in their physical appearance as they radiate this new found energy from within.  And many of these people have already found new love.

 The most important thing is that you must get out of your own way.  We are usually our own worst enemy when it comes to matters of the heart.  We know you would get out of our own way if you just knew how.  You don’t have to figure it out on your own.  That is why we are here. 

 If you have not attended the Soul Mate Quest Weekend, we want to ask, why not?  We guarantee that you will get tremendous value for your time and $79.  If you feel you don’t, we will refund your money, no questions asked.  We have never had anyone take us up on our guarantee.  That says something!

 Our next seminar is being held on October 10-11, 2009 in Pleasanto, CA.  To register, go to http://www.yourdatingiq.com/soulMate_weekend.html and enter the discount code SQW79 at the bottom of the page.  There is limited space, so register today.  You can attend with a friend if you choose, but you will make many friends at this event.  They are like-minded singles looking for love, just like you.

 Jeannine Kaiser

Signs That He is Not Interested in a Relationship

If you can identify the signs that a man “isn’t that into you’ you can keep from getting your heart broken over and over again.  Most women see the signs but choose to ignore them because they believe they are the woman who will change his mind.  You won’t!  Are there exceptions to the rule?  Yes!  But not many!

Most men are pretty straightforward!  They say what they mean.  On the other hand, many women say what they think a man wants to hear or skirts an issue because she doesn’t want to hurt his feelings or make him angry.  But for today, let’s deal with what men think and want.

If a man isn’t that into you, he leaves a trail of clues a mile wide.  Women just choose to ignore them.  If a man isn’t that into you, you will see the following signs:

1)      He communicates via TEXT and email.  By doing so, he avoids the “getting to know you” conversations.  He really isn’t interested in moving things forward.  He wants the down and dirty.  When can he see you?  If you have already had sex, he TEXT is to set up his next booty call.  He usually steers the conversation towards telling you how sexy you are and how he can’t wait to see you again.  DUH!

2)      He warns you that he isn’t relationship material.  (How can that be?  You are so into him.)  Men usually say what they mean.  He is telling you that he is not relationship material-at least with you-believe him!  You might be the exception to the rule, but more than likely, you are not.  He is probably going to have sex with you and dump you when things get too complicated (you want more from him).

3)      He puts little planning into your date.  He tells you that he wants to hang out and watch a movie or something. “Something” means having sex in case you haven’t figured that out by now.  If you always go to the restaurant, because it is his favorite, he isn’t trying to please you.  More than likely, he goes to different restaurants with different women.  (If you are the stalker type, he won’t be there if you go to the same restaurant to try to “see him.”)  A guy that is really into you will plan a date.  Even if the date doesn’t cost him a dime, he will plan.

4)      He makes lots of empty promises.  He keeps talking as if you have a future, but he takes little or no action.  He talks about having a future together or all the fun things you will soon, but he doesn’t plan a date!  This is a cheap way of dating.  Some men promise the moon, sun and stars, but delivers…nothing!  He really isn’t that into you.  Personally, I can come up with at least 20 things that are inexpensive or free to romance someone.  Think about this.  If he can’t come up with a few things that make you swoon despite his pocketbook, he isn’t that into you.

5)      He makes last minute plans to see you.  You are just so glad he calls that you don’t realize that  that he is definitely not that into you or he thinks that you have no life and would readily available at his beckon call.  Either way, if you accept, you aren’t scoring any points. You were probably one of the women in his “little black book” and not his first call.  Guaranteed!

6)      He avoids the “getting-to-know you” conversations!  He really doesn’t want to get to know you better.  He wants to know what he needs to know to get you into bed.  If he really wants to get to know you better, he is asking questions about you, your life and what you want.  If not, he is looking for the easiest, quickest booty call.  He will flatter you!  He will tell you how amazing you are!  But he doesn’t really know anything about you.  If you fall for this, don’t expect a call anytime soon.  He will call you again when he is horny. 

7)      He is pushy about getting physical.  He wants to rip your top off as quickly as possible.  He tries to move things forward beyond the “make out” session with minimal clothing.  If you resist, he makes you feel bad that you aren’t that into him.  He says that he just wants to cuddle, but he is really trying to get more. (Just so you know, most men don’t really like cuddling.  They do it because it gets them sex!)  He is kissing and holding you, but in the process trying to take your blouse and pants off, wants sex.  If he gets upset or offended when you put the kibosh on moving forward, he isn’t that into you.  If someone really likes you, he is willing to wait until you are ready to move things forward.

      If you have been dating for a month or more and have never met his friends, he isn’t that into you.  When men think they have found a great catch, he want to show her off.  If you don’t get an invitation to meet his friends, you aren’t that girl.  He wants to see you alone but not integrate you into his life , this is not a good sign.  If a man is really into you, he wants all his friends to see the woman he is dating.  If this doesn’t happen, you are not the woman he wants to be with long term.

9)      He says he just wants to be friends.  He means it.  If you offer up sex as part of the package, he is willing to be friends with benefits.  He isn’t stupid if you are!  If you offer to satisfy him sexually, why not.  If you think being friends with benefits will lead to more, it won’t.  He isn’t into you in almost every case.  When he finds someone who rocks his world, you are history.

10)   He doesn’t call you.  He has your phone number but he isn’t dialing it.  It is not because he lost your number.  If he lost your number and he was really interested, he will move mountains to contact you again.  Chances are, if you’ve contacted him, you won’t hear from him again soon.  He isn’t into you.  You are either an easy booty call, or a stalker.  If he isn’t calling, he isn’t interested in you.  If he calls you, he is hoping for one thing.  You should know what it is by now.

I know this all sounds harsh, but it is the reality of dating in today’s dating circles.  You might believe that Women’s Liberation has evened the playing field for men and women but you are sorely mistaken.  Men still need to be the aggressor in the relationship.  If you are the aggressor, you will be taken for granted, and probably used and discarded.  If you want to be in a serious committed relationship, stop lowering yourself to being the booty call girl. 

Men who disagree with these points are lazy or lack self-esteem and hope that a woman will contact him for a date.  Sorry men!  Women want a man who is a provider and protector.  If you aren’t calling (being the hunter) you are not the man quality women desire to be in a relationship with..  End of story.  The man a woman desires is one who exhibits the message “I am a go-getter and will bring home the deer for food.”  These women don’t wait around for men who exude the message “I will bring home a trout if the fishing is good.” 

I hate to say that biology plays a big part in the attraction of male and female.  But it is true and will be so for a long time.  If you want to get the man or the woman, forget all the social studies mumbo-jumbo and understand that men and women desire each other based on our biology.  You can ignore it, but that doesn’t change it.

If you are attracting this type of man over and over again, you are falling into one of the Toxic Relationship Patterns we discuss at the Soul Mate Quest Weekend.  Coming to the weekend will help you get out of unhealthy dating patterns.  The cost of the weekend event is just $99.00.  The date for the next event is October 10-11, 2009  in Pleasanton.  Go to our website to get more information. 

Jeannine Kaiser

www.yourdatingiq.com

How long you’ve been together.
What his friends and family believe he should do.
How much time and energy a woman has put into developing the relationship

There is one reason, and one reason only, that a man will desire a commitment with a woman.  It is because of how she makes him FEEL. It is like the old age question: are you better off with her or without her.  If a man feels that his life and future will be better and more fulfilling with you in his life, he will be willing to commit.

There are things that women do to make a man doubt the relationship and if he has doubts he isn’t going to commit.  Often these doubts make him leave the relationship when a woman begins to turn up the pressure to get him to “take the next step.”

1        Being fearful or needy. This can show up in a whole lot of ways.  You might want him to make you happy.  No man wants to be your sole source of happiness. This is a big burden to put on anyone.  Most healthy men will not stay long term in a relationship that requires this level of attention.  If you are fearful or needy, you probably don’t know how to change this without years of therapy.  Here is some GREAT news.  At the Soul Mate Quest Weekend, we help you understand how you can shift from being fearful and needy into a more confident person.  By making this shift, you will become a much more desirable life partner. 

2        Are you are jealous even if he has not given you a reason to be jealous?  If you are afraid that he is going to find someone better than you and leave, you are projecting your own insecurities and neediness into the relationship and onto your man.  Often if someone is jealous, they try to control the other person’s behavior to calm their own fears.  You might get upset with him for talking to one of his female friends.  You might accuse him of flirting with the waitress.  You might check his cell phone log to make sure he isn’t talking to any other woman. This kind of behavior will have most men heading for the hills because no level of reassurance will keep you from freaking out.  Your behavior will keep him from opening up to you because he will be afraid of setting you off.  He won’t tell you if he ran into an old high school girlfriend or that he has a new administrative assistant.  He is afraid you are going to freak out and grill him while you seek reassurance.  If a man feels like he has to walk on eggshells with you, he isn’t going to stick around very long.

3        If you get upset about little things, a man will ask himself: “What will she do if something really big happens in the future?”  If you are negative or emotional about the small things, how will you handle the bigger problems and challenges that life might throw at you?  If you can’t handle the dishwasher breaking without yelling or crying, how will you handle a real crisis? 

4        Some women like a lot of drama in their life.  Often, a woman will share the drama of her day with her man and hope that it will make them closer as he offers his support.  Men are willing to be supportive to a degree.  If your life is one big soap opera, most men will not stick around.  It is just too draining.  If your life is filled with drama and you do not show that you are a confident woman who is able to handle your life and relationships, you will leave your man doubting whether he should commit.  Do you hide the drama of your life?  NO!  You learn to manage the drama by becoming a more capable and confident person. 

5        One of the biggest mistakes woman make in relationships is trying to get her man to change.  If a woman expresses dissatisfied with her man and wants to change him, most men won’t commit.  Men desire acceptance and admiration from their life partner.  If you are trying to change him, then you don’t accept him.  This certainly won’t make him feel admired.

If you have gotten into the habit of doing any of these 5 things, you can learn to break these habits.  We focus on these things in the Soul Mate Quest Weekend.  Learn the 10 Keys to getting into a healthy, passionate relationship and you will eliminate these 5 road blocks to getting a man to commit. 

 Jeannine and Keith Kaiser

www.yourdatingiq.com

If you are getting that vib, first consider that you might have some baggage from a past relationship that is causing you to be distrustful. If in the past, you have been cheated on, you might be conjuring up some fear that you might get bit in the fanny by another cheater. But let’s examine some of the signs that you might be dating someone who is UNAVAILABLE!

1. You don’t meet their family or friends. You know that you are not in the inner circle of their life. He/She doesn’t introduce you to family members and if you meet his/her friends, it is a small limited group of friends. Sometimes they completely insulate you from their life. If they introduce you to a small number of friends, it could be that these friends are willing to keep their secret. They are cheating!

2.You only have their cell phone number. If you have limited access to contact them, you might be dating someone who is married or involved. When you call, they often tell you that they have to call you back. They can’t talk because their significant other is in close proximity. You often get their voice mail and they call you back at odd hours. If they are talking in a low voice as if they don’t want someone to hear their conversation, you should be very alarmed. They may not provide you with an email address and discourage you from texting them. Cautious cheater of don’t use email or texting. It is too easy to get busted.

3. Their excuses are very detailed! Often people who lie give long, detailed stories about why they can’t keep their date with you or why they were late! Cheaters are liars! Often they aren’t good liars. If a portion of their story doesn’t ring true, don’t brush it under the carpet. Call them out on their story! You could flush out a liar and maybe a cheater.

4. They aren’t available to meet on holidays, and only for a limited time on weekends. If they are married or involved with someone else, you will not be getting much prime time attention. If they frequently cancel dates on the weekend at the last minute, it could be that the significant other made some plans that they can’t get out of.

5.They often want to go to restaurants in out of the way places. They don’t want to get busted running into someone they know. If they run into someone they know, they immediately become uncomfortable. They might want to duck out of the restaurant and they give you some lame excuse for why they don’t want to talk to the person. If they are forced to introduce you, they might introduce you as a business acquaintance or something else lame. If they lie, you know there is a problem.

6. They usually can’t go away for the weekend. Sometimes they can make an excuse that they have to go on a business trip or they are going away with the “Boys” or the “Girls” for the weekend. But getting away for a whole weekend is rare. Often they can’t even spend the night. If you observe them making private phone calls during your weekend trip you should be alerted. Remember, they have to keep up appearances to their wife, husband or significant other by checking in.

7. If you met your new boyfriend/girlfriend on the internet, you might be dating someone who is unavailable if: They don’t post a picture. They don’t want anyone to see them on a dating site. This could easily get back to the significant other. If they post a picture that obscures their face (sunglasses, hat, blurred) they could be hiding, but they know they won’t get much response without a picture.

8. He/ She is evasive when you ask about past relationships. Watch for some clues that indicate that he/she is lying. Touching the nose, licking the lips, clearing the throat are signs of lying. People who cover their mouth (usually it is partially like putting couple of fingers above their lip) it is a sign that they are lying. They don’t look you in the eye when they are talking.

9.  They always want to meet at your place. They either can’t take you home or they are afraid that the girlfriend/boyfriend might drop by unannounced. Look for excuses like: My roommate is nosey. My place is a mess. We can’t have any privacy. If you never or rarely go to their place, you should be alarmed.

10. You find items in their car that don’t belong to you or your partner. Lip stick, sunglasses, drinks with lipstick, underwear, condoms (especially if you aren’t using condoms). Often we see signs of cheating, but we fail to address these warnings. Sometimes we don’t want the answer. If you ignore the signs, you are setting yourself up for some heartache.

Jeannine Kaiser, CCPC

Dating and Relationship Coach

 It is rumored that Jon Gosslin presented his 22 year old girlfriend with an engagement ring (skull and crossbones with four black diamonds-how Junior High- with a huge price tag of $180,000) which he could have gotten the cheaper version from the gumball machine at the pizza parlor. 

 Jon continues to state that he is concerned for his children.  If this is so, then why create so much more muck  for your children deal with by acting like an 8^th grader who just discovering his hormones.  The ink is barely dry on the papers filed for divorce and Jon is thinking about getting married again.  How do you think the kids will swallow the news that dad not only cheated on mom, but he is going to make the mistress the step mother soon.  Do you think the public is ready for Jon and Kate Plus Nine?  My harse words towards Kate are beginning to soften.  Can you really be this immature Jon?

 The tabloids have replaced the headlines with the Michael Jackson saga.  Thank goodness.  Jon and Kate need to go into hiding for a while and pull themselves together, stop spouting empty, meaningless professions of their commitment to their kids and start acting like parents.

 Jon, I know you are really ticked at Kate, but the grass always needs to be mowed.  Do you think the grass on the other side of the fence doesn’t need to be tended?  It is easy to be in love when you don’t need to pay the bills, take care of the kids and still find time for your partner.  

 You and Kate could work this out.  The spine you’ve apparently grown over the last couple of months was the spine Kate was looking for during your marriage. (less the spiteful jerk you’ve become.)  She wanted you to be a man and take an active role in caring for your children.  If you think your girlfriend is going to step up and take care of your eight children while you sit on the sidelines, think again.  She might do it for a while…until she ropes you in…and then she is going to tire of it quickly.  

 You can’t become single again Jon.  You have eight children to support and who need your love and attention. We all want to leave our responsibilities behind at sometime or another.  Dream on!  It just doesn’t happen.  You made choices and you have to be a father to the children you have produced.  

 Here is a novel thought.  Your 22 year old girlfriend is going to want children.  Have you thought about that Jon?  In a few years you will add a few more children to this brewed.  So, instead of eight children, you will have nine or ten.  No responsibility there!

 As a relationship coach, I wish I could have one hour with the Gosslins.  I would like to shake some sense into both of them.  Marriage should not be so easily discarded, especially when there are eight children impacted.

 Jeannine Kaiser

Relationship and Dating Expert

There are con-artists everywhere and the world of internet dating is no different.  You have to be alert to avoid being taken advantage of by one of the savvy characters.   One of my clients received a response from a man on the internet that was targeting her and her money.  She was astute enough to contact me to get my opinion.  This same scam is happening to men, too.  Often the scam is a man pretending to be a woman when they target men.  

 The man contacted her from another state (first clue) and told her how much he liked her profile.  He told her that he was looking for that one special someone and not to worry about the distance because they could work it out if they were a match (Clue 2: He can build a relationship with her through email and not see her because of the distance.).  

 Next he gave her the sob story about how his wife passed away in a car accident.  He gave lots of details (Clue 3, liars elaborate a lot).  

He used verbiage that is indicates that he is foreign and gives too much detail that he is American! (Clue 4: If you are American born, you don’t elaborate about being born here.)

 I’m in search of my Soul & Dream Mate, Lover, Wife and Life Companion. Let me give you a brief introduction of me. .My name is Carl Nelson White/Caucasian. I’m an American Born Irish, but my mom is a Hispanic American born. .I’m an Electrical Engineer employment with a Master Degree.

 Next, he is indiscriminate about how old you are.  (Clue 5) In the two examples we found, one man was 40 and seeking women from 35-75 years old and the other was 63 seeking women 60-90 years old.  There is something very wrong with this picture.

 He tries to move her immediately to his private email account.  (Clue 6) By doing so, he removes the double bind protection of the website and often people use their names in their email addresses.  He can now do research to see if she is a good target for his game.  He will begin to write lengthy emails that will move quickly to him telling her that he is falling for her.

 Clue 7 is how he signs the email: Lots of love!  He doesn’t even know her but he is already using the “L” word.  

 These people prey on lonely people (both men and women).  They look for someone who has been recently divorced, widowed or never married.  They want someone who is lonely and has money.  They will bait you into a intimate email relationship, profess their love for you and how they want to be with you.  Then, you guessed it, they will ask for money. 

 Please be aware of scams.  You need to look for clues.  If something does not add up, listen to your instincts.  If you don’t you could get caught in one of these scams.

 One of the most important things men and women need to attract the right person is a healthy self-esteem and the knowledge that they don’t need a partner to be complete.  Having a partner is a wonderful bonus to your life.  

Jeannine and Keith Kaiser

 I can’t pass judgment on this couple.  They are raising eight children under the age of 8 years of age.  That would be enough to drive most parents to the brink on insanity.  But as a relationship coach, I see two mistakes this couple has made that can be easily corrected.  First they have focused on their children and not on their marriage.  When a marriage is solid, the family is solid.  Secondly, they put each other down constantly and usually with the children within ear shot.  

 Jon has had enough of Kate’s putdown and he has just checked out.  He is a good loving man who did not get his needs met in this relationship.  He finally broke and looked for attention elsewhere.  This is never a good thing.  It leaves to the demise of many marriages.  

 Kate is caught up in her new found fame and traveling around promoting her book.  There is a small window of opportunity to make a lot of money promoting a book, but is it worth your marriage, Kate?  

 If I was working with this couple, I would recommend a separation followed by some intense relationship coaching that puts all the hurts feelings on the table and deals with them constructively.  Secondly, I would teach them both new communication skills.  Jon needs to able to let Kate know that she hurts him with her comments.  He needed to grow a backbone, but the one he has grown is made of steel and will not let anything in.  

 Can this marriage be saved?  I would say YES!  But it will require a lot of work and removing their family from the limelight of their television show.

Jeannine Kaiser, CPCC