Signs He Isn’t Interested in YOU!

Signs That He is Not Interested in a Relationship

 

If you can identify the signs that a man “isn’t that into you’ you can keep from getting your heart broken over and over again.  Most women see the signs but choose to ignore them because they believe they are the woman who will change his mind.  You won’t!  Are there exceptions to the rule?  Yes!  But not many!

 

Most men are pretty straightforward!  They say what they mean.  On the other hand, many women say what they think a man wants to hear or skirts an issue because she doesn’t want to hurt his feelings or make him angry.  But for today, let’s deal with what men think and want.

 

If a man isn’t that into you, he leaves a trail of clues a mile wide.  Women just choose to ignore them.  If a man isn’t that into you, you will see the following signs:

 

1)      He communicates via TEXT and email.  By doing so, he avoids the “getting to know you” conversations.  He really isn’t interested in moving things forward.  He wants the down and dirty.  When can he see you?  If you have already had sex, he TEXT is to set up his next booty call.  He usually steers the conversation towards telling you how sexy you are and how he can’t wait to see you again.  DUH!

 

2)      He warns you that he isn’t relationship material.  (How can that be?  You are so into him.)  Men usually say what they mean.  He is telling you that he is not relationship material-at least with you-believe him!  You might be the exception to the rule, but more than likely, you are not.  He is probably going to have sex with you and dump you when things get too complicated (you want more from him).

 

3)      He puts little planning into your date.  He tells you that he wants to hang out and watch a movie or something. “Something” means having sex in case you haven’t figured that out by now.  If you always go to the restaurant, because it is his favorite, he isn’t trying to please you.  More than likely, he goes to different restaurants with different women.  (If you are the stalker type, he won’t be there if you go to the same restaurant to try to “see him.”)  A guy that is really into you will plan a date.  Even if the date doesn’t cost him a dime, he will plan.

 

4)      He makes lots of empty promises.  He keeps talking as if you have a future, but he takes little or no action.  He talks about having a future together or all the fun things you will soon, but he doesn’t plan a date!  This is a cheap way of dating.  Some men promise the moon, sun and stars, but delivers…nothing!  He really isn’t that into you.  Personally, I can come up with at least 20 things that are inexpensive or free to romance someone.  Think about this.  If he can’t come up with a few things that make you swoon despite his pocketbook, he isn’t that into you.

 

5)      He makes last minute plans to see you.  You are just so glad he calls that you don’t realize that  that he is definitely not that into you or he thinks that you have no life and would readily available at his beckon call.  Either way, if you accept, you aren’t scoring any points. You were probably one of the women in his “little black book” and not his first call.  Guaranteed!

 

6)      He avoids the “getting-to-know you” conversations!  He really doesn’t want to get to know you better.  He wants to know what he needs to know to get you into bed.  If he really wants to get to know you better, he is asking questions about you, your life and what you want.  If not, he is looking for the easiest, quickest booty call.  He will flatter you!  He will tell you how amazing you are!  But he doesn’t really know anything about you.  If you fall for this, don’t expect a call anytime soon.  He will call you again when he is horny. 

 

7)      He is pushy about getting physical.  He wants to rip your top off as quickly as possible.  He tries to move things forward beyond the “make out” session with minimal clothing.  If you resist, he makes you feel bad that you aren’t that into him.  He says that he just wants to cuddle, but he is really trying to get more. (Just so you know, most men don’t really like cuddling.  They do it because it gets them sex!)  He is kissing and holding you, but in the process trying to take your blouse and pants off, wants sex.  If he gets upset or offended when you put the kibosh on moving forward, he isn’t that into you.  If someone really likes you, he is willing to wait until you are ready to move things forward.

 

      If you have been dating for a month or more and have never met his friends, he isn’t that into you.  When men think they have found a great catch, he want to show her off.  If you don’t get an invitation to meet his friends, you aren’t that girl.  He wants to see you alone but not integrate you into his life , this is not a good sign.  If a man is really into you, he wants all his friends to see the woman he is dating.  If this doesn’t happen, you are not the woman he wants to be with long term.

 

9)      He says he just wants to be friends.  He means it.  If you offer up sex as part of the package, he is willing to be friends with benefits.  He isn’t stupid if you are!  If you offer to satisfy him sexually, why not.  If you think being friends with benefits will lead to more, it won’t.  He isn’t into you in almost every case.  When he finds someone who rocks his world, you are history.

 

10)   He doesn’t call you.  He has your phone number but he isn’t dialing it.  It is not because he lost your number.  If he lost your number and he was really interested, he will move mountains to contact you again.  Chances are, if you’ve contacted him, you won’t hear from him again soon.  He isn’t into you.  You are either an easy booty call, or a stalker.  If he isn’t calling, he isn’t interested in you.  If he calls you, he is hoping for one thing.  You should know what it is by now.

 

I know this all sounds harsh, but it is the reality of dating in today’s dating circles.  You might believe that Women’s Liberation has evened the playing field for men and women but you are sorely mistaken.  Men still need to be the aggressor in the relationship.  If you are the aggressor, you will be taken for granted, and probably used and discarded.  If you want to be in a serious committed relationship, stop lowering yourself to being the booty call girl. 

 

Men who disagree with these points are lazy or lack self-esteem and hope that a woman will contact him for a date.  Sorry men!  Women want a man who is a provider and protector.  If you aren’t calling (being the hunter) you are not the man quality women desire to be in a relationship with..  End of story.  The man a woman desires is one who exhibits the message “I am a go-getter and will bring home the deer for food.”  These women don’t wait around for men who exude the message “I will bring home a trout if the fishing is good.” 

 

I hate to say that biology plays a big part in the attraction of male and female.  But it is true and will be so for a long time.  If you want to get the man or the woman, forget all the social studies mumbo-jumbo and understand that men and women desire each other based on our biology.  You can ignore it, but that doesn’t change it.

 

If you are attracting this type of man over and over again, you are falling into one of the Toxic Relationship Patterns we discuss at the Soul Mate Quest Weekend.  Coming to the weekend will help you get out of unhealthy dating patterns.  The cost of the weekend event is just $99.00.  The date for the next event is October 10-11, 2009  in Pleasanton.  Go to our website to get more information. 

 

Jeannine Kaiser

www.yourdatingiq.com

Why Men Don’t Commit

So often we get asked how to get a man to commit.  You know that he really cares about you, but he isn’t willing to take the relationship to the next level.  For a man, making the conscious decision to make a commitment to a woman has nothing to do with:

How long you’ve been together.
What his friends and family believe he should do.
How much time and energy a woman has put into developing the relationship

There is one reason, and one reason only, that a man will desire a commitment with a woman.  It is because of how she makes him FEEL. It is like the old age question: are you better off with her or without her.  If a man feels that his life and future will be better and more fulfilling with you in his life, he will be willing to commit.

There are things that women do to make a man doubt the relationship and if he has doubts he isn’t going to commit.  Often these doubts make him leave the relationship when a woman begins to turn up the pressure to get him to “take the next step.”

1        Being fearful or needy. This can show up in a whole lot of ways.  You might want him to make you happy.  No man wants to be your sole source of happiness. This is a big burden to put on anyone.  Most healthy men will not stay long term in a relationship that requires this level of attention.  If you are fearful or needy, you probably don’t know how to change this without years of therapy.  Here is some GREAT news.  At the Soul Mate Quest Weekend, we help you understand how you can shift from being fearful and needy into a more confident person.  By making this shift, you will become a much more desirable life partner. 

2        Are you are jealous even if he has not given you a reason to be jealous?  If you are afraid that he is going to find someone better than you and leave, you are projecting your own insecurities and neediness into the relationship and onto your man.  Often if someone is jealous, they try to control the other person’s behavior to calm their own fears.  You might get upset with him for talking to one of his female friends.  You might accuse him of flirting with the waitress.  You might check his cell phone log to make sure he isn’t talking to any other woman. This kind of behavior will have most men heading for the hills because no level of reassurance will keep you from freaking out.  Your behavior will keep him from opening up to you because he will be afraid of setting you off.  He won’t tell you if he ran into an old high school girlfriend or that he has a new administrative assistant.  He is afraid you are going to freak out and grill him while you seek reassurance.  If a man feels like he has to walk on eggshells with you, he isn’t going to stick around very long.

3        If you get upset about little things, a man will ask himself: “What will she do if something really big happens in the future?”  If you are negative or emotional about the small things, how will you handle the bigger problems and challenges that life might throw at you?  If you can’t handle the dishwasher breaking without yelling or crying, how will you handle a real crisis? 

4        Some women like a lot of drama in their life.  Often, a woman will share the drama of her day with her man and hope that it will make them closer as he offers his support.  Men are willing to be supportive to a degree.  If your life is one big soap opera, most men will not stick around.  It is just too draining.  If your life is filled with drama and you do not show that you are a confident woman who is able to handle your life and relationships, you will leave your man doubting whether he should commit.  Do you hide the drama of your life?  NO!  You learn to manage the drama by becoming a more capable and confident person. 

5        One of the biggest mistakes woman make in relationships is trying to get her man to change.  If a woman expresses dissatisfied with her man and wants to change him, most men won’t commit.  Men desire acceptance and admiration from their life partner.  If you are trying to change him, then you don’t accept him.  This certainly won’t make him feel admired.

If you have gotten into the habit of doing any of these 5 things, you can learn to break these habits.  We focus on these things in the Soul Mate Quest Weekend.  Learn the 10 Keys to getting into a healthy, passionate relationship and you will eliminate these 5 road blocks to getting a man to commit. 

 Jeannine and Keith Kaiser

www.yourdatingiq.com

10 Signs They Are Cheating!

Have you ever gotten the vib that the person you are dating isn’t on the up-and-up with you? You feel they might be involved with someone else, or worse, married! Unfortunately it happens.

If you are getting that vib, first consider that you might have some baggage from a past relationship that is causing you to be distrustful. If in the past, you have been cheated on, you might be conjuring up some fear that you might get bit in the fanny by another cheater. But let’s examine some of the signs that you might be dating someone who is UNAVAILABLE!

1. You don’t meet their family or friends. You know that you are not in the inner circle of their life. He/She doesn’t introduce you to family members and if you meet his/her friends, it is a small limited group of friends. Sometimes they completely insulate you from their life. If they introduce you to a small number of friends, it could be that these friends are willing to keep their secret. They are cheating!

2.You only have their cell phone number. If you have limited access to contact them, you might be dating someone who is married or involved. When you call, they often tell you that they have to call you back. They can’t talk because their significant other is in close proximity. You often get their voice mail and they call you back at odd hours. If they are talking in a low voice as if they don’t want someone to hear their conversation, you should be very alarmed. They may not provide you with an email address and discourage you from texting them. Cautious cheater of don’t use email or texting. It is too easy to get busted.

3. Their excuses are very detailed! Often people who lie give long, detailed stories about why they can’t keep their date with you or why they were late! Cheaters are liars! Often they aren’t good liars. If a portion of their story doesn’t ring true, don’t brush it under the carpet. Call them out on their story! You could flush out a liar and maybe a cheater.

4. They aren’t available to meet on holidays, and only for a limited time on weekends. If they are married or involved with someone else, you will not be getting much prime time attention. If they frequently cancel dates on the weekend at the last minute, it could be that the significant other made some plans that they can’t get out of.

5.They often want to go to restaurants in out of the way places. They don’t want to get busted running into someone they know. If they run into someone they know, they immediately become uncomfortable. They might want to duck out of the restaurant and they give you some lame excuse for why they don’t want to talk to the person. If they are forced to introduce you, they might introduce you as a business acquaintance or something else lame. If they lie, you know there is a problem.

6. They usually can’t go away for the weekend. Sometimes they can make an excuse that they have to go on a business trip or they are going away with the “Boys” or the “Girls” for the weekend. But getting away for a whole weekend is rare. Often they can’t even spend the night. If you observe them making private phone calls during your weekend trip you should be alerted. Remember, they have to keep up appearances to their wife, husband or significant other by checking in.

7. If you met your new boyfriend/girlfriend on the internet, you might be dating someone who is unavailable if: They don’t post a picture. They don’t want anyone to see them on a dating site. This could easily get back to the significant other. If they post a picture that obscures their face (sunglasses, hat, blurred) they could be hiding, but they know they won’t get much response without a picture.

8. He/ She is evasive when you ask about past relationships. Watch for some clues that indicate that he/she is lying. Touching the nose, licking the lips, clearing the throat are signs of lying. People who cover their mouth (usually it is partially like putting couple of fingers above their lip) it is a sign that they are lying. They don’t look you in the eye when they are talking.

9.  They always want to meet at your place. They either can’t take you home or they are afraid that the girlfriend/boyfriend might drop by unannounced. Look for excuses like: My roommate is nosey. My place is a mess. We can’t have any privacy. If you never or rarely go to their place, you should be alarmed.

10. You find items in their car that don’t belong to you or your partner. Lip stick, sunglasses, drinks with lipstick, underwear, condoms (especially if you aren’t using condoms). Often we see signs of cheating, but we fail to address these warnings. Sometimes we don’t want the answer. If you ignore the signs, you are setting yourself up for some heartache.

Jeannine Kaiser, CCPC

Dating and Relationship Coach