Jon and Kate Gosselin: Can this marraige be saved?

Jon and Kate Gosselin, stars of the reality show Jon and Kate Plus Eight, are separating.  (I didn’t see that coming.)  People give up on marriage so easily today.  It doesn’t feel good when things aren’t going well in a marriage, but the bad times offer growth as a couple.  

 I can’t pass judgment on this couple.  They are raising eight children under the age of 8 years of age.  That would be enough to drive most parents to the brink on insanity.  But as a relationship coach, I see two mistakes this couple has made that can be easily corrected.  First they have focused on their children and not on their marriage.  When a marriage is solid, the family is solid.  Secondly, they put each other down constantly and usually with the children within ear shot.  

 Jon has had enough of Kate’s putdown and he has just checked out.  He is a good loving man who did not get his needs met in this relationship.  He finally broke and looked for attention elsewhere.  This is never a good thing.  It leaves to the demise of many marriages.  

 Kate is caught up in her new found fame and traveling around promoting her book.  There is a small window of opportunity to make a lot of money promoting a book, but is it worth your marriage, Kate?  

 If I was working with this couple, I would recommend a separation followed by some intense relationship coaching that puts all the hurts feelings on the table and deals with them constructively.  Secondly, I would teach them both new communication skills.  Jon needs to able to let Kate know that she hurts him with her comments.  He needed to grow a backbone, but the one he has grown is made of steel and will not let anything in.  

 Can this marriage be saved?  I would say YES!  But it will require a lot of work and removing their family from the limelight of their television show.

Jeannine Kaiser, CPCC