Jon and Kate Gosselin: A fragile marriage

Jon and Kate Gosselin, featured on the reality show Jon and Kate Plus Eight, is enduring scrutiny of their fragile relationship as it has become front cover news on many magazines.  America likes to observe a celebrities fall from grace.  It makes them feel like their problems are minuscule in comparison.  

 The focus of the controversy has been the faithfulness of both Jon and Kate.  However, there is a much larger concern that has been brewing for years between the couple that is at the root of the demise of their close relationship.

 Kate appears to be the demanding, overbearing and emasculating wife who is constantly criticizing her husband.  Jon’s easy-going nature is being stretch and broken.  He is pushing back frequently with quick quips and putdowns.  It is possible that he is seeking approval through female friendships or relationships outside of the marriage.  

 This relationship is a classic case of opposites attracting.  Jon sough out a partner who is stronger and more focused because it is one of his weaknesses.  As dating and relationship experts, we know that this is a Toxic Relationship Pattern that will slowly poison and kill love.  

 If the female takes the Alpha Male role in the relationship, she will emasculate her man.  Kate has taken the leadership and alpha male role in their relationship.  Kate’s actions have taken a Prince (Jon) and turned him into a frog.  Jon is a very good man who really tries to please his wife.  When Kate gives Jon praise, which isn’t often, he lights up like a young boy.  But more often, she is finding fault and criticizing him which will send him to shut down mode and this is what is leading to the demise of this once strong relationship.  If a man can not find acceptance and admiration from his partner, he will seek it elsewhere.  Often he finds it through work.  But Jon doesn’t work outside the home.  The show is his work, so there is no relief there.  

 Jon is starting to grow a backbone and this will begin a conflict and power struggle between him and Kate.  She likes being in control.  She has a need to be dominant because without this, she feel insecure and out of control.

 Kate is concerned about Jon’s unhappiness and has been encouraging him to seek out and find things that will make him feel more fulfilled and satisfied about his life.  The number one thing Jon seems to need is to have his efforts recognized and know that he is making his partner happy.  The vicious cycle this couple has created through out the years is leading them down the path to divorce.  

 This couple has gotten through the most difficult time: caring for six infants at the same time.  It is easy to focus on the task of taking care of the children and not focus on the relationship issues, because there is little time left over.  Couples with multiples (twins, triplets etc.) are more likely to divorce than other couples.  As the Gosselin’s children are becoming more independent, the problems in the Gosselin’s relationship are more glaring.  

 We hope that this couple seeks out a relationship coach or counselor to work through their issues.  Jon and Kate are both good people.  Despite their differences, being together is in the best interest of their children.  

Jeannine and Keith Kaiser

Relationship and Dating Experts