Jon and Kate Gosselin: Can this marraige be saved?

Jon and Kate Gosselin, stars of the reality show Jon and Kate Plus Eight, are separating.  (I didn’t see that coming.)  People give up on marriage so easily today.  It doesn’t feel good when things aren’t going well in a marriage, but the bad times offer growth as a couple.  

 I can’t pass judgment on this couple.  They are raising eight children under the age of 8 years of age.  That would be enough to drive most parents to the brink on insanity.  But as a relationship coach, I see two mistakes this couple has made that can be easily corrected.  First they have focused on their children and not on their marriage.  When a marriage is solid, the family is solid.  Secondly, they put each other down constantly and usually with the children within ear shot.  

 Jon has had enough of Kate’s putdown and he has just checked out.  He is a good loving man who did not get his needs met in this relationship.  He finally broke and looked for attention elsewhere.  This is never a good thing.  It leaves to the demise of many marriages.  

 Kate is caught up in her new found fame and traveling around promoting her book.  There is a small window of opportunity to make a lot of money promoting a book, but is it worth your marriage, Kate?  

 If I was working with this couple, I would recommend a separation followed by some intense relationship coaching that puts all the hurts feelings on the table and deals with them constructively.  Secondly, I would teach them both new communication skills.  Jon needs to able to let Kate know that she hurts him with her comments.  He needed to grow a backbone, but the one he has grown is made of steel and will not let anything in.  

 Can this marriage be saved?  I would say YES!  But it will require a lot of work and removing their family from the limelight of their television show.

Jeannine Kaiser, CPCC

Jon and Kate Gosselin: A fragile marriage

Jon and Kate Gosselin, featured on the reality show Jon and Kate Plus Eight, is enduring scrutiny of their fragile relationship as it has become front cover news on many magazines.  America likes to observe a celebrities fall from grace.  It makes them feel like their problems are minuscule in comparison.  

 The focus of the controversy has been the faithfulness of both Jon and Kate.  However, there is a much larger concern that has been brewing for years between the couple that is at the root of the demise of their close relationship.

 Kate appears to be the demanding, overbearing and emasculating wife who is constantly criticizing her husband.  Jon’s easy-going nature is being stretch and broken.  He is pushing back frequently with quick quips and putdowns.  It is possible that he is seeking approval through female friendships or relationships outside of the marriage.  

 This relationship is a classic case of opposites attracting.  Jon sough out a partner who is stronger and more focused because it is one of his weaknesses.  As dating and relationship experts, we know that this is a Toxic Relationship Pattern that will slowly poison and kill love.  

 If the female takes the Alpha Male role in the relationship, she will emasculate her man.  Kate has taken the leadership and alpha male role in their relationship.  Kate’s actions have taken a Prince (Jon) and turned him into a frog.  Jon is a very good man who really tries to please his wife.  When Kate gives Jon praise, which isn’t often, he lights up like a young boy.  But more often, she is finding fault and criticizing him which will send him to shut down mode and this is what is leading to the demise of this once strong relationship.  If a man can not find acceptance and admiration from his partner, he will seek it elsewhere.  Often he finds it through work.  But Jon doesn’t work outside the home.  The show is his work, so there is no relief there.  

 Jon is starting to grow a backbone and this will begin a conflict and power struggle between him and Kate.  She likes being in control.  She has a need to be dominant because without this, she feel insecure and out of control.

 Kate is concerned about Jon’s unhappiness and has been encouraging him to seek out and find things that will make him feel more fulfilled and satisfied about his life.  The number one thing Jon seems to need is to have his efforts recognized and know that he is making his partner happy.  The vicious cycle this couple has created through out the years is leading them down the path to divorce.  

 This couple has gotten through the most difficult time: caring for six infants at the same time.  It is easy to focus on the task of taking care of the children and not focus on the relationship issues, because there is little time left over.  Couples with multiples (twins, triplets etc.) are more likely to divorce than other couples.  As the Gosselin’s children are becoming more independent, the problems in the Gosselin’s relationship are more glaring.  

 We hope that this couple seeks out a relationship coach or counselor to work through their issues.  Jon and Kate are both good people.  Despite their differences, being together is in the best interest of their children.  

Jeannine and Keith Kaiser

Relationship and Dating Experts

Where to Meet Singles

If you are single and looking, you are going to have to make the effort to connect with people at these events.  Always dress to impress.  You never know who you will meet.

Have fun being single,

Jeannine Kaiser

Dating Class: Unraveling the Mystery Behind Dating Today! Instructor:  Jeannine Kaiser, Dating Expert and Coach.  Date: June 20th from 3-5PM in Danville.  Cost: FREE   If you are struggling with dating, find out what might be getting in your way. This insightful class will help you understand the difference between being single today and 25 years ago and what you can do about it. You must call to register for this class. You will be given the address once you register. 925-355-8081  Space is very limited.

Gourmet Food & Wine Festival     Location: Depot Plaza, Sunnyside and Miller in Mill Valley  on June 28th from 1-4PM . Cost $40 This is a great event for all you foodies. You get to enjoy great food, wine and the company of like minded people. www.millvalley.org

Danville Fine Arts Faire Location: Downtown Danville between Hartz Ave. and Diablo Road on June 20-21 from 10AM-6PM. Cost: FREE

Alameda County Fair Location:Pleasanton at Bernal off 680 from June 19-July 5.   Cost: $9:00 entry fee They have some great bands that play and the horse races. These events attract a huge number of singles. Lots of other things to do too! Make a day of it. www.alamedacountyfair.com

Art and Wine Festival Location: Walnut Creek at Heather Farms, Ygnacio Valley and San Carlos on June 6-7  from 11AM-5PM. Cost: FREE.  This is one of the best Art and Wine Festivals in the Bay Area. They have lots of live entertainment, good food and activities. The best place to meet singles is at the wine booths, near the food, and near the live bands.

Friday Nights on Main  Location: Downtown Tiburon on Main Street, June 20-Sept 14 from 6-9PM.  Cost: Free.  This is kind of like Happy Hour gone to the streets.